As disappointing and disapproving as Justin Timberlake's last output was, Everything I Thought It Was truly lives up to its title: its mediocrity is expected and unavoidable. A huge misstep that inevitably continues from his previous one, this record is by far his weakest, most obnoxious, exhausting, and forgettable release.
Like it or not, I think pop megastar Justin Timberlake is past his prime. After his megaflop into country and attempt at channeling his inner Bon Iver on 2018's Man of the Woods, I thought the fun, charismatic, and tasteful music that I would typically hear from JT (especially from the fantastic 1-2 punch of FutureSex/LoveSounds and The 20/20 Experience) has long come and gone. Either is his attempts into R&B, pop, and hip hop are dated, stale, clunky, awkward, or just plain bad (or all of the above). After listening to his brand new album, titled Everything I Thought It Was, boy I was right. The old JT has long come and gone.
Not that I was expecting a masterpiece or anything, I was at least expecting to get down to a couple of tasteful bangers, like I did on his previous album ("Breeze Off the Pond" and "Midnight Summer Jam" are still certified bops). There is not one song that I enjoyed from this album. Instead, there are a couple moments that I enjoyed overall. At eighteen songs and an hour and seventeen minutes in total runtime, this album is the true definition of a slog and exhaustingly overstays its welcome. Thematically, it seems to me that JT is trying to win back the public and attempts to be likeable again. He hasn't been buddies with the general public for awhile, whether that being just a goofball by being annoyingly involved in the kids animated film franchise Trolls or his past mistakes and dick moves with fellow ex Brittany Spears. Frankly, I don't care about these past antics. They certainly annoy me but damn do these just make the actual songs on this record become a do or die moment to win back the crowd (and even myself).
I'm going to give you fellow reader the grace of not going in depth on every single track in this record. There's eighteen effing tracks on here. I could certainly do this but listening to the record is torture enough already. You're welcome. But I'll go through some of it at least to check the "review" box off of my so-called "review" of this album. The lead single, "Selfish," is terrible. It's bland, flat, and lifeless. The worst part of it is that it's boring and nondescript, which is exactly not what you want a lead single for a JT album to be. I just listened to it and frankly don't even remember it going through my earholes. Much of the record also has JT trying to play catch up when it comes to musical trends, like on the opener "Memphis" or "Fuckin' Up the Disco," which is one of the highlight tracks that sounds very promising but ends up just missing the bar. "Play" might have the worst singing on the entire record. His whining delivery that sounds like if a singing Eminem during allergy season tripped into a wood chipper while the chorus may be ranked as his worst chorus in his career. ".......Playyyyyyyyyyyy......" ugh. "Infinity Sex" instrumentally seems to check all the boxes on paper but in execution is just an okay B-side to Future/Sex. Ironically titled "My Favorite Drug," it sounds almost as annoying as his other kiddy singles made for kids animated film. His hyped return collab with *NSYNC titled "Paradise" is yet another flop that didn't even seem necessary to include on this album. It's an incredibly forgettable ballad that doesn't even need the other band members' harmonies. It's more interesting as an anecdote than an actual song.
I won't exactly go into the lyrics or ballads on this record.... the lyrics are rough and are some of his most poorly written yet while the ballads don't pack a punch like some of his classic ones. The features, very few of them, don't really add anything or give you a much needed break from JT. As disappointing and disapproving as his last output was, Everything I Thought It Was truly lives up to its title: its mediocrity is expected and unavoidable. I don't know what it is but recently, aging veteran pop stars aren't succeeding with their new albums. Whether that be Camila Cabello, Ariana Grande, or the impending doom of the upcoming Katy Perry release (I just heard the new lead single and it's absolutely atrocious), past successful pop stars have been struggling to stick with the trends or find new avenues and JT is certainly the biggest culprit here. There is nothing redeemable on this record and that's saying something. A huge misstep that inevitably continues from his previous one, this record is by far his weakest, most obnoxious, exhausting, and forgettable release. Time to hang it up, Memphis kid. Or at least go back to the drawing board? Just make sure you don't have any martinis in your system next time. ;)
My Rating: 3 / 10
Favorite Songs: "Fuckin' Up the Disco"
Comments